haha, it means that i am still here.
like whatever.
but am i a much better person?? i wouldn't vouch for that.
i am changing, changing rapidly but i am trying to slow it down, because i know more and mmore people will leave me.
i hate organising, i hate smiling, i really don't like consoling, i really don't like to be burdened by listening to people, i really do not like another troublesome at all.
but this is what i am liked for, for listening, for talking nice, for consoling, for smiling. thus i am withdrawing these items one by one, cause i am begining to feel tired of it.
expectations people have of me are too great. i don't think i can bear it. i am going to dash their expectations, but i am cushioning the impact. i am afraid it will be too great, that i myself will crumple too.
i need a back 'out' plan too. in case one day i feeel to cowardly to be on my own.
i don't know what i am saying. but for a long time now, i don't know anything at all.
posted by maevbe @ 6:45 PM
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