GIVE THE DAY A BIG SMILE!!!

What next?

Yesh! The whole yucky A levels in ending in just 4 days time. I am so looking forward to it.

But then, it brings me to a new problem. What next?

The end of A levels signify the end of my school life, and the starting of the time that I should think and make a decision about my future life.

I got very uneasy about it, especially after I went for my friend’s dance performance.

Yesterday was my friend’s dance performance, I know that it is crazy to actually dig out time when you are already so behind schedule to watch a dance performance, but like I am going to study during the 3 hours, so I might as well go and support him.

The performance was great, but a tad too long though. It lasted for about 3 and the half hours. I think if the compare did not talk so much, it would have ended much much earlier.

Anyway, back to my thoughts about my friend’s performance. I did not managed to get a good view of him dancing, considering I was seated quite far behind, but I managed to spot him in a few performance. To be honest, I was quite shock, I mean I dind not know he could dance that well! haha, I bet he enjoyed dancing too, to have such a pretty partner.

The most shocking part came when he came out singing! He sang two songs, one was 爱如潮水and another song by Wilber Pan I guess, I am not very sure about the song. At first I could not recognized him, until my friend asked if that is him, it was only until he started singing than I recognized his voice.

Haha, I was in total shock.

Anyway, I could hear the girls behind me asking who is he. I think they went ga-ga over him. Well who wouldn’t, if that is the first time you’re seeing him sing and dance that is. I can’t deny that it is very captivating.

But after the excitement died down, I had this feeling that I did not exactly like. I think I was jealous ( not of the girls, but of my friend, but that is bad enough) and uneasy.

Suddenly, it felt like my friend was so distant from me. There is so many things I do not know about him. It is like he has progressed so much, while I am still almost the same as I was, at the original spot. It seems he is working so hard and moving on so rapidly towards his goals. But I still do not know what I want, what I like, what I want to be in future. I am jealous that he knows what he really wants in life, I am feeling uneasy that he is moving so far ahead, but I am no where near him and we would drift further and further a part. There might even be a day where we would just say hi and bye.

That night I did not wait for him after the performance for a few reasons. One was, I forgot to buy flowers, so there was nothing for me to give to him after the performance. Secondly, my sister was waiting for me for quite a long period of time already, so I did not want her to wait any longer. Lastly, I suddenly felt awkward and somehow afraid to see him.

I feel funny to even message him, until he message me to ask me how was the performance. The message came almost right after the performance. I felt so bad about it, as his friend, I did not even wait till after his performance to congratulate him on his great performance, did not even think about messaging him either. All I was thinking about was my new found pessimistic thoughts. I really hate myself for that.

posted by maevbe @ 12:14 AM