I think sometimes it is better to not know so much.
If you know too much about what the other people is thinking, you begin to doubt yourself.
She still likes him, and he used to like her. He still cares for her.
Although many times he assured me that he did not like her anymore, it was all over. I really believed there isn’t anything else I could do other than that.
But every time I look at the way she looks at him, I could feel that the feeling is still there. Every time when I read her blog, I can still feel that every line now and then hints that she still have not get over him. All the things she does are far more than what I can do for him.
I do not like the feeling, but I cannot help but to admit that maybe I am not good enough, maybe they are meant to be after all. I do not like that distasteful feeling, I do not like the jealousy, I do not like my own feeling of stupid-ness. I just do not like the whole idea of it.
I hate this jealous streak in me. xP
长大了之后,后悔这个字眼突然变得很常用到. 可能是因為想的比以前更多了。， 或則是想要變多了，變得貪心了。而在變得貪心的同時也變得膽小。
膽小的我，什么都想要又什么都不敢做。
好諷刺啊， 小時候不是想快點長大，想說長大了之後就有能力可以做很多事。但我長大了之後什么都不敢做。到頭來，什么都沒做。
小時候直率的勇敢到哪了？
I wonder how long more I can keep this up.
I keep studying the same things over and over again. Considering that I have only three subjects plus GP, there is really nothing much for me to study.
The subjects I take are interesting enough but one drawback about taking arts is that there are no ‘correct’ answers. There are many way you can look at one thing, there are also many variations to one question, so there is nothing much to practice. All I can do is to ensure I have all the basic fact right with a flexible and logical mind on that day.
The only thing I can truly practice is math, but I am getting sick of it. Sometimes, I even finish 2 papers in one day. The time taken for me to finish one paper is getting shorter and shorter, which is a good thing though.
But I will feel guilty if I am not studying! Ahh! I hate this!
*sulk*
Off to studying…
memories...
Suddenly some of the past memories flow back to me, the things that I could not really remember in the past.
I think I read it somewhere before, something along the line that ‘We would not forget anything, memories that we thought that we have forgotten is just lurking somewhere inside our mind waiting to be recalled.’
Maybe all these memories are coming back to me because I wanted more of them. I felt that the memories I remember was not enough, I needed more. That is why the memories have resurfaced.
Or is it that I am so sian from studying that I start to remember all these things?
I wish..
Is it my adaptability to things or what, I do not know *shrug*.
Growing up is such a pain.
Dear.
Speeches filled with superfluous word
A pause before you speak dear, clarify the question to get you time to think.
Your words need to make sense dear; I have no time for your nonsense.
Feelings are coated and decorated with reasons and excuses
Some things are just like that, you cannot feel that way dear, it is wrong
Emotion need to be rationale dear, used your brains, not your heart…
The truth is just there, between the layers of deceit and sugar coats,
My fingers are crossed every time I make a promise to you dear, they long to be free
So do not ask anymore from me dear, I do not want to cross them anymore.
I am sorry dear; things are not like they were…
I am going to miss...
There is so many last time today. The last time I am singing the school song, the last time I am wearing the school tie and the last time I am eating tom yam macaroni from the Yong Tou Fu. I should have taken a photo of it… I am sure going to miss school.
I am going to miss all the activities especially the CCA activities, today when I saw my juniors redecorating the board and painting banners made me wished that time would not pass so fast. I wish I could also join in; it made me think of the fun times we used to have…
Maybe I have overestimated myself and underestimated the complexity of the relationship between people...
Idealist
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.
Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.
Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.
Idealists are rare, making up between 20 and 25 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.
http://www.advisorteam.comWow, I am an idealist and is able to influence people, hmm , I wonder if it is really true. Haha, shall try it out tomorrow.
Now the haze seems to be better as compared to the yesterday. Yay! The sun is out again.
人言可畏
I am waiting up for my sister and I have got absolutely nothing to do, other than studying but I think I will just forgo that option and do something slackish like blogging and crapping.
Sometimes, people seem to bombard you with the same genre of question in one day that makes you wonder what is going on.
Today, I was questioned by two persons about what happen between me and him.
I think I came as a surprise to me, because in my mind it is registered as something I should not think about or somewhat resolved. Anyway, things that had happened quite long ago, why people would dig it up all of a sudden.
I was kind of caught off guard in the morning when my friend asked me. I was like ‘ huh?’ and did not know how to react. Haha, then she continued to ramble on on how was it a waste that we did not get together, how could he have done that ( I do not know what she meant by done that).
I was amused, and worried at the same time, because it seems that everyone seems to get the wrong picture or made up they own story and get the wrong idea of him.
That is scary and frustrating. I do not know why. But I think subconsciously I do not want people to get the wrong idea about him, after all he is a nice guy. Just that maybe the fate is not there. I think his priority is right at this moment while my friends think otherwise, thus it is quite difficult to get the point across to them.
The version in the morning was still not that bad. The one my other friend came up with was even worse.
He was saying that I rejected him and blah blah. I was totally… no comments. Totally shocked and wondered how vivid and random their imagination can be.
I had absolutely no idea what to say to clear the whole thing up. This is so crappish.
I guess I can understand what do they mean by ‘人言可畏’ a bit better now.
O yes, my sister is back from her ladies night out! Yay I can finally get my much needed rest now.
Time, changes and me
Time changes things,
Things never remain the same
Same things never happen for twice
Twice in a row might be too much
Much as I want this feeling to continue and remain unchanged
Changes come with time
Time changes things.
Haha, now I know why sometimes I cannot do well for my essays, because I am thinking in circles (that short unknown words on top are evidences). Some things lead to another and another lead to the other, eventually I still link it back to the original thing.
Hee, anyway this songs is superb, especially the lyrics.
单身潜逃
歌手: 戴佩妮(Tai, Pei Ni Penny)
PS:我想我真的忘了,然而我不够坚强
我没有你想像心敲醇崆?
我只是擅长用微笑去伪装 不是吗
我没有你形容的那么勇敢
我偶尔也会慌
我也和你一样曾经年少轻狂受了一点伤
我们都是一样相信永远不远但坚持却有点难
就让记忆中的爱慢慢烧 烧痛了我们就逃
带着现实的拷这点我善于的微笑
通往没有你的轨道
就让记忆中的你慢慢老
老去了谁也得不到
带着我的祈祷这点我累积的问号
开始一次的单身潜逃
Sometimes, I think that the Arts students in our school are being marginalized.
This is what I have felt over my one and the half years span in my school. One of the factors that has contributed to such a conclusion would be the classrooms we are always allocated to.
In my first year in my school, during the first few months, almost all the art classes did not have a home room. They claimed that they did not have enough classrooms for us, so most of our lessons were conducted the science lab, where the sinks and tables are usually wet after the all the experiments. And I think is so ironical that we, as arts student, spent more time in the science lab then the science student.
To make things even weirder, most of the science students spent their time in the geography room or English room, taking science lessons.
As a geography student, I have never, in my school course there had my lessons conducted in the geography room.
They told us to put up with it, and promised that once the container block was done, we would have a decent classroom. Thus we endured.
Finally, after 3 months of studying in the non-conducive science lab, we were finally allocated a classroom in the container block with air conditioning. Yay~
But happy days did not last long, this year, our homeroom was re-shuffled. And most of the homerooms for the arts classes were moved to block two. This block had the smallest ‘classrooms’ a school can ever have. One classroom in block two is only half of the normal classroom. In addition, the room do not even have proper tables and chairs, instead, we have chairs with a tiny ‘table’ attached to it and the science students gets to occupy the air conditional rooms.
That is the disparity in the treatment of the students taking the two different classes. The classrooms they allocate us to.
They could at least try to make it less obvious.
New CD :D
I brought Penny Dai’s album. Yay!
Actually I have brought it for two days already, but have not really got down to listening to it. This is the first time I am listening to the CD thoroughly and watching the MVs that came along with it.
I liked all the songs in general. So far two of my favorites are
一个人的行李 and
窗外.
窗外 is a theme song of a Japanese movie I think, when I watched the MV I almost cried. The story is so sad. I want to watch that movie, I hope that they will be airing it in Singapore~
Anyway I think my life is getting boring, I hardly step out of the house. the only two places that I have been to recently is my house and the school. It is getting kind of boring. But now, everyone is busy studying so there is no way that I could drag them out too. Haha I guess I just have to endure through this one and the half month, and I can go wherever I want!
