GIVE THE DAY A BIG SMILE!!!

confuse confuse

Sometimes, I am beginning to doubt my feelings and my thinking plus my way of thinking. Maybe it is about time I change and do some serious thinking about it.

I get this feeling that I have rushed into things to quickly sometimes without thinking and considering things. I think I have rushed into this relationship too abruptly. Not that he is not good or anything, it is very nice and all, but sometimes I feel that the things we want and we look forward to is different, that what I have being feeling anyway.

Sometimes, I get this feeling that he likes me because I am very easy going and I am the only one that does not scold him or anything. Maybe it is the difference in personality, we see things differently. One, would be the cca, maybe he really detest the cca because it is not in his area of interest and that despite it all, he still have to hold a heavy responsibility. Fro me I use to dread cca too, but over the course of a year I have come to accept my cca and even like my cca. I think that it has really exposed me to so many different things and through my cca I have met many many friends. Every time when I comment that the cca isn’t so bad after all he would say that you are not me. Yea, maybe I am not him so I do not understand, no matter how many times he repeats himself, why he does not like the cca.

Another thing would be that he tries too hard to keep things under wraps. We did agree to maintain as friends, so to me, as friends it quite normal if we hang out together etc. when people ask about it, I could have easily said that we are just revising together, like helping out between friends. However for his case, he tries too hard to keep things under wrap by coming out with all sorts of funny things, when people sees us together. I don’t really know why he would try so hard to do that, and after that come and apologize to me. Firstly, I don’t see the need to apologise if that is how you want it to be. Secondly, if you know that you are going to apologize to me after saying what you said, might as well not say it in the first place.

Thirdly, I gets this feeling that he is still quite into his last crush or maybe gf. She is in our school and he does a lot of things for her and even notice her. As in when I send him horoscope stuff, he would ask me to help him check out hers. He won’t tell me is hers and sometimes he avoids using her name in front of me, despite the many times I said that I don’t mind. But he is still very ‘attracted’ (I do not know it is the word that I am suppose to use) to her.

The main reason as to why I am relentlessly complaining is that I feel very restricted in front of him; it feels as though I am not my normal self. It gets tiring for me, and I do not know about him. I do not know, maybe I should approach him somewhere after the mids.

posted by maevbe @ 9:18 AM