How should I put this, sometimes you hope it will stay the same as ever, promise yourself that you will keep to it, no matter what but it would just change somehow somewhat with the passing of time.
It is nice to have something to hold on to, like a promise, a belief. It feels like something, something like a glassball if I were to imagine it, fraglie yet so beautiful to hold onto. I hold them up to the sun and let the rays refract in them, look though them to see a different world, I would grow to love it so much because it has shown me so much. And maybe, at time goes by, I would grow so fond of the glassball that I would never want to let it go, hold it so tight and so close, and so afriad to loose it, but the harder you hold onto it the more pain you will feel when it finally breaks in your hand.
If I were to hold onto non from the begining of time, letting each glassball slip and fall through my hand, not grasping anyone of them, letting them shatter on the ground around my feet, I would never feel the pain of a glassball breaking in my hands, never witness the beauty of it and never know the fragility it. I would only be trapped by the shattered glass around my feet, feeling nothing, knowing nothing.
Suddenly everything is not working out anymore.
Studying doesn’t guarantee a fantastic grade.
Friendliness doesn’t mean friends
Smiling doesn’t mean that you are happy
Natural mean you are plain lazy
Agreeing means you are a push over
Disagreeing means you are not cooperative
Evacuating from the world, a hermit.
I can’t even find that relaxing and enjoyable feeling of getting lost on the streets and the joy of finding new places in the process.
I cannot even find the reason to be nice to anyone anymore, and I hate myself for being mean too.
I cannot withdraw myself from all the comments that I used to think was not harmful to my life.
I wonder, if I am living a life of my own or others…
I hate to curse, but…
What the hell! I can’t even be myself without being criticize or having comment anymore!
I hate to doubt myself.
this blog is still here.
haha, it means that i am still here.
like whatever.
but am i a much better person?? i wouldn't vouch for that.
i am changing, changing rapidly but i am trying to slow it down, because i know more and mmore people will leave me.
i hate organising, i hate smiling, i really don't like consoling, i really don't like to be burdened by listening to people, i really do not like another troublesome at all.
but this is what i am liked for, for listening, for talking nice, for consoling, for smiling. thus i am withdrawing these items one by one, cause i am begining to feel tired of it.
expectations people have of me are too great. i don't think i can bear it. i am going to dash their expectations, but i am cushioning the impact. i am afraid it will be too great, that i myself will crumple too.
i need a back 'out' plan too. in case one day i feeel to cowardly to be on my own.
i don't know what i am saying. but for a long time now, i don't know anything at all.
i have a fear of attention
Most of the times, I am very scared of people who show interest in me. I yearn to be in the centre of attraction sometimes but I will always be uncomfortable in such situation.
I get all nervous and jittery.
I guess my JC teacher saw through me, that why he wrote ‘The world is in your hands, open up to it.’
But I think I still cannot overcome my fear now. Especially for a relationship with someone, I just cannot bring myself to actually accept someone now. To be frank, it kind of freaks me out.
I was actually scolding that person deep down in my heart. It used to be so fine when he did not say it. We could talked about anything, and I feel so relaxed around him.
Now, I am so afraid to look at my hand phone, for the fear of his message. Urgh!
secret
Secret was surprisingly a good movie. It is something that would linger on for a period of time I guess.
The storyline and the love between the main characters is so simple and carefree, almost everyone could relate to it and ponder over it.
Simplicity in love is what everyone would yearn for, but things will always get complicated.
如果什么事都能
简简单单的,那该多好…
I really do not mind watching the show again. And to emphasis, I am not a fan of jay, but I really admire him for his work this time.
Memories~
My friend was telling me about how he could not sleep the night before because he was thinking about sad stuffs.
So I told him, don’t think about sad stuffs before you sleep. I always think about the past if I could not sleep. And he replied ‘ I was thinking about sad stuffs in the past’
I dunno, to me, the past are just memories. There can be happy memories and maybe sad memories. But memories are just memories, things that happened in our memories have passed, maybe that why when I recall a sad memory, I do not feel so sad anymore.
Memories always flood our minds when we are being pushed up to a wall. Suddenly we feel that we could not move on, and the only feasible way seems to be ‘ going back’- looking into our memories.
‘Regrets, have been, could have been, could have done this’ all these thoughts will a lot litter our mind when we look into our sad memories.
‘I don’t want it to change; last forever; return to’ all this phases will pop out when we immersed ourselves in the happy memories of the past.
Digging our way back to the past seems so easy. The more we dig, the more happy memories we may find. We are working so hard to barrow into the memories of the past. Once we dig till a comfortable depth where no one can interrupt our peace and quietness, we would rest in the nice deep hole of our past memories-delusion.
yes, barrowing seems to move us further away from the wall that seems impossible to climb, but it will bring us no where but down.
Memories may be nice to recall, review. But I think it is important that we do not let our memories take control of us. We should just those memories as it is. It is a thing of the past.
Use the sad memories to motivate you to do in the future. Please do not use it was an excuse to shrink away from the future.
Use the happy memories to provide some momentary relieve to the present. Let it show you that there will be more happy memories to come. Please do not get lost in the happy memories of the past and miss out on the future.
Memories are my memories.
每个故事的开始有谁不想天长地久，如果心里想着终有一天会分开，那又为何要在一起呢？近来，姐姐开始谈恋爱了。想起来，觉得有点好笑。这几天，看到的是她整天傻笑的样子，手提一响，接起电话，那傻样就出来了。时不时就会露出幸福的微笑，天啊！
我快受不了了！
